Peppermint patty

1 Aug

My identity is the peppermint patty. One that has nothing to do with my coloring but my emotional distress. Rich dark on the out side cool on the inside! And this is my story…..Crazy ! I felt like I need to move to china! I’m so confused! I like want somebody to explain im normal! I thought that is was nothing but a year later the same issues with the same person! Thinning it was all going to end with the others I kept him around ! Then I fell madly in love with him! And he turned out to be the same person I always knew he was! Why ! Why couldn’t I see this before! Why must the truth be shown in love is blind! I called and it was a door slammed in my face! Calling out with my heart and asking for love to grasp me back in return it was gone! Then I could write the story book as it would say, “a few days later when sex drugs or money is needed he responds in a slow false loving manner!” didn’t I hurt earlier is what I replied? Hungry now is his response! I wonder if he knows the pain and anguish he causes! As he looks at my daughters pics and replies she was supposes to be mine! I think back at the first abortion I ever had….it was his…how could I start over knowing he could be the dad? Call me selfish! We have our own reasons for the wrong we do! I remain with mines and he remains the other man and knows his place! But what brought me to this place? Alone confused and dismantled! Sexual frustrated but yet feining for this drug call love!

Prolly like 7 yrs ago….he captured me…I mean he’s fucking sexy! The biggest hoe in this nation and yet I knew all of this! But it excited me! I love the random sexcapades! Outside, in the yard, in the car, in the house, on the stoop, at my job, at his job…o wait he has none. That’s right! Typical low down dirty nigga that don’t have shit! Over thirty livin wit his mama and an abundance of children, the test positive from the paternity test! Ain’t this some shit! Me the married one would fall in love with such a low life! Now the census may say…if he’s such a low life then why when he comes around your pussy always gets wett! I don’t know dammit I’m human! And he’s fine as fuck! Not to mentioned the sound of his voice makes my heart beat! That’s why I have to hear it to stay alive! He is a mind manipulator! I know this! That’s why he has me! China is the only option I have right now!

Then the day I moved away the first time comes to mind! I moved away to start to rebuild my life from what he ruined the first time around! I wanted to love him like needed to be loved but we was young then! And I was ready for what on paper he could not give to me but mines would! I knew that he would come back and haunt me! Mines once told me the the other man has no boundaries no respect for anyone! Not even me! Slowly as I retracted everything I’d been through with him….he was right!

Sometimes he plays these games that he’s through being the “other man”, who is he to determine when we are done with our love affair! That’s right! He has no rights to this! I had no say so in falling back in love with him and he had no say so when it’s over! I remember when I first saw him after our three year intermission! We laid eyes on each other and it was love at first sight all over again! I wanted him equally just as much! Before we left each other that day we made love immediately after not seeing each other for three years! I couldn’t believe it! I thought I hadn’t missed him as much as I did but he knew how to pick me apart. Later admitted the letters from jail was to keep me on his mind and so that I wouldn’t forget about him! That truly made me understand how he was the master mind of everything!